Messiness

I have been home for about six days now and of course it has been wonderful catching up with family etc. However, the following post was written a week or so before I left Russia and I still wanted to post it.

Sometimes I run into frustrations here, as we all do. So often, the judgments I give and discouragements I receive from others can actually be reflected in my own life to some degree. Maybe this is because we are all broken. And just maybe in that brokenness, we can find healing.

There is one particular situation I have been involved with lately that on an emotional level has left me feeling frustrated. I have poured a lot of time and energy into an individual, believing that it would eventually make a difference. Believing that if I did all the things I thought were right to do in order to help them, they would also make the same right decisions that would help themselves. And in the end, with a lot of Jesus, things would be "successful." I'm not naive, I just believed that despite some ups and downs this individual would make good decisions and come out on top. However, this has not been the case so far. What I'm finding is that the more I pour myself into this person (and try to point them toward the church) the more anger, jealousy, dependance and bitterness comes out. The exact opposite of the joy, love, and freedom I was hoping for. I wanted to encourage this person to know that Jesus can change their life for the better and then they can go on to encourage others in the same way. Instead, this person has shown that, at least on the surface, they'd rather receive and take advantage versus finding self-empowerment and changing their life for the long-term.

I know there are all kinds of psychological/social work type of explanations for this. I have the book answers. But as I started to think this through, I realized it can actually get kind of personal. Maybe some of these frustrations are found in my own life too. Hasn't Jesus blessed me with so much? Yet I find myself saying, "just a little bit more Jesus. Thanks for getting me to this step, but uh let's move on to the next thing I want." Jesus has gotten close to me and He has found my anger, bitterness, jealousy and all kinds of ugly things. The difference is with Jesus He says, "I want to get to know you and get these things out and I will stick around as long as it takes for you to understand I've already covered all of that." And so often I act like "ok Jesus, I've already dealt with enough. Let's just relax now." When Jesus wants to keep making me move and do some work because in the end He knows my life will be changed for the long-term and I can go on to minister to others.

So, maybe the key is saying, "ok, we're all broken, you, me and everyone else in this world. So this is going to be messy but let's keep looking to the One who can redeem it all." And maybe somewhere in the midst of all the ugly stuff that comes out, we will find healing, freedom, and redemption.